Poem - The Betrayal ...

Poem - The Betrayal ...
AnupR

Don't hold back anymore
Why do you pretend?
Why do you try so hard?
Why restrain?

It's real easy my dear
You've done this before
Just use that dagger you always carry
And drive it deep into my chest

Stand beside me
Hold my hand
As I lay gasping
on the floor
Then plunge the blade
yet again

.... Its no longer surprising

Then shed some tears
And call up friends
Tell them what went wrong
Sure, they deserve to know
But then again, so do I

You left me for dead once
And you're doing it again
But I survived once
And I'll survive again
I'll just grow stronger
Feeding off the pain

I won't die, my love
And neither will my love
I ain't living for myself
I'm living for my love
and My heart may be beating inside me
But it draws its life from you

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I know this piece needs work ... I just sat and wrote whatever popped into my head ... And I'm too tired to edit ... :)
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Hey guys! ... work has been extremely hectic to say the very least ... and the pressure aint abating ... and the >12 hr workdays ... how could anyone sustain this week after week???

Anyways, I miss you all ... am gonna try and grab some R&R and catch up on as soon as I can ... I really appreciate the encouraging words and the "Hi" sent across by some of ya precious ones ... Thank u ... :)

Hope U all have an awesome week!!! TC! :)

What can one boast about?

One of Mom's acquaintances is dying of cancer as I write this ... About three months back she went to a doctor complaining of some pain in her legs ... and today she's on her death bed at less than 55 years of age ... the cancer had silently ravaged her body so badly that chemotheraphy just didn't have an impact ... and doctors had to admit defeat ...

She had so many hopes and dreams ... of seeing her two sons, 28 and 22 ... get married and settle down ... of them managing the flourishing family business ... and now ..... those two sons hold on to their mother ... praying for a miracle ... trying vainly to put up a brave face and hold back tears ... as their father comes to terms with the grim reality ...

I'm sure you've heard similar stories very often ... you would probably say - "Life is hard, Anup ... bad things happen all the time ... why are you spoiling the mood by talking of such things?" ...

I don't know ... I just can't ignore it ... I'm not a fool ... I accept the facts too ... but everytime I hear of such things ... I can't help but be thankful for everything that I have ... knowing that it could all be taken away in an instant ...

What can one boast about?
Money?
Power?
A high paying job?
Educational qualifications?
A high IQ?
Family?

... nothing at all ... for it all can be lost in an instant ...

Unlike what many think about me, I do not dwell on these things ... and am not a pessimist ... perhaps I am a realist? (i dont think such a word exists) ... I mean, I undertake reality-checks many times ... and seek things to be thankful for ... for I never know when it all ends ....

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Guys, I think many friends are really tired of my reality checks ... and this 'be thankful' thing ... I can't help being this way ... but I sure can keep my mouth shut ... I mean, I don't wanna come across as a sappy guy ... its just I have these flashes once in a while, and I go all senti ...

So this would probably be the last 'be thankful' post from me ... I'm sure you all feel thankful for that ... :)

have a gr8 weekend ya all!!!!

Buffaloe Garden ...

After a long long time I joined the guys for a round of football ... it was completely crazy ... and real fun! ... especially the sliding tackles I've perfected over the years ... :)

After almost 2 hours of running, jostling, jersey pulling and abusing (perhaps even worse than the ones hurled at Zidane) ... we were too tired to continue, and called it a day.

As we walked home, we threw around stories from the good old days ... how personal scores would be settled during the game as well as after ... how we ensured that everyone got dirty by throwing the clean ones into muck n mire ... even giving them a face-pack if required ... hehe .... the time, we didn't have a football ... and so played with a tennis ball in pouring rain ... good times ....

On our way home, we passed the erstwhile 'buffaloe garden' ... the ground where so many rainy days were spent chasing a football ... unsuccessfully trying to avoid the gifts left by the buffaloes post-grazing ... ;) .... Now there are no buffaloes and there is no ground ... only an asphalt road snaking across the land that was so dear to us children ... good times ...

Reaching home, soaked in sweat ... jersey and shorts stained black with muck and what not ... Soon the neighbours hear Mom shouting - "You're filthy! You better wash those clothes yourself! Don't you dare put them in the washing machine .... are you a kid? Is this the age to roll about in muck? ........ "

Ahh ... good times .... :)

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Guys, its gonna be peak work season for me, starting tommorow for more than a month ... so I won't be able to blog as much as I'd like to :(

But, I'm always on email ... and wish I'd receive emails from my blogging buddies ... particularly the few who have never emailed me and stick their tongue out at me, if I try to know them better ... (Hint Hint :p)

lolz ... have a gr8 week ya all!!!

Results are out ... your prayers worked!!!!

Hey dear buddies ... the results for the CA Exams came out today ... and thanks to God, who took pity on me, and pushed me through this time ... :)

It has been a long journey for me ... with many dissapointments and failures along the way ... but thanks to the prayers of family and friends like ya all ... I was able to go on ... and finally success has come my way too ...

Unfortunately my lil' sis couldn't clear the exams ... and is a bit down ... I request you all to please pray so that she too gets divine strength to go on ... and attain success real soon ...

Thank God for his mercies!

-Anup

Bombed ....

Yesterday evening, a colleague informed us of a series of explosions in various local trains in Mumbai. Everyone immediately confirmed the wherabouts of their near and dear ones. But news of the safety of family and friends provided only momentary relief. And as one tuned in to news reports and saw the gruesome images, one couldn't help but feel nervous, helpless and angry.

Terrorism claimed nearly 170 lives yesterday ... but more than 170 families will be affected ... for a man is a son, a brother, a husband, a father, a friend ... life will never be the same for the ones who knew and loved the ones who passed away.

The same applies to the 464 injured (many of them are seriously wounded) ... Many have been handicapped by the explosions ...

Spare a thought for these people and their families. Please do help in any way you can, as and when the opportunity arises ... but certainly do remember them in your prayers ...

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I've always believed that every day is a gift ... that I must count my blessings daily ... and be thankful always ... such bleak days are a grim reminder of how things can change in an instant ... they remind me ... I am NOT in control ...

The Prayer

The Prayer - Anup R

This world has driven me to my knees
It has snatched everything from me
Now I have nowhere left to go
And no one to call my own

For all my efforts, I have nothing of worth to show
Now I know friends who've behaved worse than foes
All this weighs on me, way too much
Oh how I long for a kind word - a gentle touch

I find no solace in solitude
And I'm lonely in the multitude
I'm disheartened and feel completely empty
I just wanna run away - break free

I turn to you for I know you hear me
And unlike the world, you also listen to me
Would you please save me - please rescue me
I've messed up ... I'm sorry ....

I need your peace in the midst of this storm
I need your strength for I can't walk on my own
I need you to show me the way home
I need your presence coz' I can't go on all alone

I'm begging you Oh Lord please
For all this - sweet release

Cheers ...

As a few of ya may know, I had a gr8 time at an office bash recently. However, while there I was among a minority that didn't drink alcohol. Now most in that minority had never tasted alcohol but for whatever reason abstained. But, I could see that a few were tempted to try it out. I on the other hand found it very easy to stay away from alcohol. Know why? .....

I come from an over-protective, traditional/orthodox middle-class family ... which basically means that I neither had the money nor the freedom (phone conversations monitored, curfews @ 10 pm and so on) to indulge in anything remotely "exciting" for a teenager. But, after i turned 18, I decided to try alcohol at least once ... wondering what the big deal was .... and an oppportunity presented itself shortly ...

At that time dad was with a well-known MNC bank and for the annual office meet, they chartered a Catamaran that would cruise almost all night off the Gateway of India. I made my way through the crowd and asked for a beer ... very excited for it would be my first!!! (ya ya don't smirk ... :)

The bartender handed me a frothing mug of Fosters ... but before I could take a sip, a bunch of people recognized me as "the HR manager's son" ... Now, I was nervous ... I couldn't let Dad find out thru them ... so for damage control, I made my way to dad and casually (concealing my nervousness) informed him that i would be trying alcohol tonight ... strangely enough, he was cool with it ... and so I made my way back to my Fosters, filling up on starters on the way :).

Now, I must tell you that I have a sweet tooth and have always imagined that alcohol would be sweet and really tasty ... and with all this at the back of my head I raised the mug to my lips .... and then ... I almost spat it out! ... it was NOT sweet ... and it certainly wasn't tasty! It was a huge letdown ... and after about half a mug, I set it down and wondered why people were so crazy about this ...

Then as I binged on some more of the delicious greasy starters, I thought of trying some wine ... after all I'd drunk wine served in those tiny glasses (toasts to the newly weds) at wedding receptions and it wasn't too bad ... it was sweet too ... So I went to the bar and asked for wine. Now he asked me - Red or White? I had no clue what he was talking about ... but, being the 'confident n cool' teenager that I was, I said "Red, please". Probably coz' the only wine I'd seen (Port Wine, mind u) was red in colour. So, I tasted true Red wine too that night ... and it was just as horrible as the beer I'd tried earlier. But, I did drink half of the glass, mingling with the crowd, before giving up and chucking it into the sea.

I was really dissapointed with myself ... why didn't I like beer? Everyone else loved it ... but as i was pondering this and so many "collosal" problems that plagued my angst-ridden teen life, the boat started rocking ... i mean Catamarans are built to give a stable/steady ride ... but here, i could feel the deck sliding away under my feet ... but everyone else seemed calm ... then i realized that i was drunk ...

Sheesh!!! I felt really uncomfortable as I was taking unsteady steps and finding it hard to maintain my balance ... I hated that I wasn't in control of my senses ... Somehow I pulled/dragged myself to a dark corner of the boat ... and held on to the railings and looked at the dark sea ... the waves actually seemed quite inviting I must tell ya ... I must've stayed there for quite a while before I started throwing up ... Yuck!! ... Starters, Fosters, Starters, Red Wine ... Yuck!! into the sea ...

I felt much better after that 'cleansing' experience ... and made my way back to the main deck ... mom and sis came over and asked me to join them for dinner ... i was in no mood for dinner ... even though it was a lavish spread and I love a good meal ... so i just sat there ... cursing alcohol for robbing me of the chance to have a good time and an even better dinner ....

I decided then and there itself that I would never drink alcohol again ... and to this day, Thank God, i have not had even the slightest attraction for alcohol ... I've never had to miss any dinners due to alcohol again ... :)

And any time I feel out of place at a party where almost everyone is drinking, I order Apple juice and walk around with it, pretending its some hard drink ... and I'm left alone (read - not teased) by pretty much everyone ... or I just order a Mocktail and pretend its a Cocktail ... after all who can tell the difference between a Bloody Mary and Tomato Juice in a party? hehe :)

... Necessity - the mother of invention ... how true ;)

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I didn't wanna actually write this initially, as it shows how childish I am in so many ways ... but then I thought what the heck ... u guys think I'm a kid as it is, eh? ... hehe :)

Have a gr8 weekend ya all!!! Ciao!