Poem - The love of my life

The love of my life
Is dancing ... with the love of her life

It's a beautiful night
What a wonderful sight

The smile on her face
The twinkle in her eyes
Amazing grace,
And it just feels so nice

She glances my way,
And her smile says "Hi"
I smile and wave back
While my heart says "Goodbye"

The love of my life
Is married ... to the love of her life
She's finally happy
... And so am I

Poem - Too much to ask?

Oh, to be accepted
To love and be loved
To trust and be trusted
To listen and be listened to

Oh, to have peace
Oh, to be patient and kind
To have a clear conscience
A truthful and faithful heart
A thankful and positive attitude

Oh, to be a faithful friend
Oh, to be friends with God
Oh, to be able to walk in love

Is it too much to ask?

Poem - Me and my hammock ...

Though you're long gone,
I still see you

and though its been years,
I can still hear your laughter

Though happy days are long gone,
I still see us together

and though its been years,
I can still feel the warmth

I can no longer pretend
That everything's allright
When its not

I can no longer pretend
That I've forgotten you
When I've not

You were all I ever wanted
You were all I ever had
And now,
Your memories are all I have
and your memories are all I hold dear

So I'm going to break the promise I made
The promise I made to myself
The promise to forget everything
The promise to move on

I am just going to lie here ...
... lie here forever
This cozy hammock of memories I have,
... will do just fine ...

-----
This was done in one sitting ... I know it needs a lot of work ... but kinda describes a state I was in a couple of months back ... am no longer in any hammock ... am too busy ... :)

Have a gr8 weekend ya all!!!

Some never learn!

Some never learn - AnupR

Some never cease to amaze
Some never fail to dissapoint
And a few like you
Make my day
Just by pretending
That you care

Is there anything worse
Than a life devoid of hope?
Why even attempt to go on?
When there's nothing to look forward to?

But,
False hope is better than
having no hope at all
and this affectionate charade
is better than none at all

So one trudges on
ignoring the obvious;
embracing the inevitability
of the coming 'crash n burn'

Living in the moment
Forsaking the future
Why do you do all this?
All this ... for her

Some never cease to amaze
Some never fail to dissapoint
And a few like me ...
.... never ever learn

-------
This one was a blast from the past ... but the truth remains ... some really never learn ... especially me ... *grins* ....

Poem - "I do believe" - AnupR

They think that he's flying
when he's nose-diving ...
freefalling into the abyss

Don't know what he's thinking
And why that smile's on his face

When all plans have
gone for a toss
And everything's
as good as lost

When he's got nothing
to look forward to
And nothing
to hold on to

Seems
He's lost
His chance
His mind
and all hope too

Does he not have the strength to fight?
Why does he not care enough to try?
Why does he feel he's nearing the end?
Why does he continue to pretend?

No answers come and you are amazed
as you see him waving and smiling
at friends and passers-by
they all say - "what a great guy"
When all he's saying is - goodbye

But
As he hurtles towards the end
He hungers for a final glimpse of the sky
So he stops staring into the deep
Turns around and looks towards the Most High

"I do believe ...
Help thou mine unbelief"

-----
I don't expect anyone to understand something that I myself am confused about ... :)

Have a gr8 weekend ya all ...

Update:
Have got exams lined up in October ... and work's more hectic than ever ... All in all, its gonnabe fun!!!! :)

Why? - AnupR

You left me
but never told me why
Its over
and I'm still wondering why
Why why why?

You led me on and made promises
raised my expectations
And then moved outta my life
without any explanation
You screwed up my life
messed with my emotions
Why why why?

Why does this always happen to me?
Why do I fall for fools
who just wanna fool around?
What is it that attracts them to me
and me to them?

Why is my life an incessant whirlpool?
Why am I sinking into this abyss?
Am I to blame for it?
and even if I'm not to blame,
Why don't I ever learn?
Is there something inherently wrong with me?

Do I actually love this ocean
of messed up relationships,
broken hearts and dreams?
Is that why
I wallow in this cesspool of doubt,
everyday without fail?
Is that why
I throw myself a pity-party
and enjoy my own misery?

Why can't I move on?
Why can't I accept that you're gone?

Why can't I be stronger?
Why can't relationships last longer?
if not forever ...
Why can't I find true love?
or something close?

Why Why Why?

----
Hey guys, I'm seriously bogged down with work ... am still carrying it home for the weekends ... :( I miss you all ..

BTW this poem isn't my story ... it really isn't ... various discussions I've had with a good friend has inspired this one ...

"I know its sounds harsh ... but I love you and hope and pray that you come out of this soon ... I hope its gets better real soon, my dear friend .... "

Have a gr8 weekend ya all!!!

Poem - The Betrayal ...

Poem - The Betrayal ...
AnupR

Don't hold back anymore
Why do you pretend?
Why do you try so hard?
Why restrain?

It's real easy my dear
You've done this before
Just use that dagger you always carry
And drive it deep into my chest

Stand beside me
Hold my hand
As I lay gasping
on the floor
Then plunge the blade
yet again

.... Its no longer surprising

Then shed some tears
And call up friends
Tell them what went wrong
Sure, they deserve to know
But then again, so do I

You left me for dead once
And you're doing it again
But I survived once
And I'll survive again
I'll just grow stronger
Feeding off the pain

I won't die, my love
And neither will my love
I ain't living for myself
I'm living for my love
and My heart may be beating inside me
But it draws its life from you

-----
I know this piece needs work ... I just sat and wrote whatever popped into my head ... And I'm too tired to edit ... :)
-----

Hey guys! ... work has been extremely hectic to say the very least ... and the pressure aint abating ... and the >12 hr workdays ... how could anyone sustain this week after week???

Anyways, I miss you all ... am gonna try and grab some R&R and catch up on as soon as I can ... I really appreciate the encouraging words and the "Hi" sent across by some of ya precious ones ... Thank u ... :)

Hope U all have an awesome week!!! TC! :)

The Prayer

The Prayer - Anup R

This world has driven me to my knees
It has snatched everything from me
Now I have nowhere left to go
And no one to call my own

For all my efforts, I have nothing of worth to show
Now I know friends who've behaved worse than foes
All this weighs on me, way too much
Oh how I long for a kind word - a gentle touch

I find no solace in solitude
And I'm lonely in the multitude
I'm disheartened and feel completely empty
I just wanna run away - break free

I turn to you for I know you hear me
And unlike the world, you also listen to me
Would you please save me - please rescue me
I've messed up ... I'm sorry ....

I need your peace in the midst of this storm
I need your strength for I can't walk on my own
I need you to show me the way home
I need your presence coz' I can't go on all alone

I'm begging you Oh Lord please
For all this - sweet release

Friday Night

Friday Night- AnupR

It's a Friday
Another week has gone by
Frustrated by da routine
I let out a cry

Get a call on ma cell phone
"Buddy, wanna hang out tonight?"
I say "Sure thing, Darling"
"We're gonna groove all night"

We drive to da party
And head straight for da bar
As the drinks drown our inhibitions
We hit the dance floor

But as we raved and swayed
To crazy club music
I catch a glimpse of heaven
Just a few feet away

I no longer hear any music
Except the thumping of my heart
Everyone fades into the darkness
Heck, she tops all da charts!

Mesmerised by her beauty
Enamored by the way she danced
I stand rooted
as if in a trance

Who cares what da DJ's playing
As long as she's dancing
Oh baby, is she moving!
... I'm not complaining :)

And then it hits me
A purse across ma face
My buddy, she's jealous
and is now hunting for da mace

I try and calm her down
As we down a few more drinks
"Yeah baby, we're getting married
But thats not for 2 weeks"

" *CENSORED* "
------
Memory goes blank around here ... da poet is still nursing a nasty gash on da head and a bad hangover ... "Honey, pick up da phone ... About last night ... I'm sorry baby....."

++++
This was fun! ... I had a blast on Wednesday ... awesome office party ... Of course I don't drink ... but I saw some awesome dancing (me thinks da dancing was aided by a few drinks in) ... thought I'd put myself in their shoes here ... dunno if I captured it well enough though :)

No Fear

No Fear - AnupR

A lil' bit of jealousy
... to give u that 'drive'

Loads of flattery
... to keep 'powers that be'
happy and at bay

Shrewd manipulation
and a lil' twisting of facts
... to make u seem so damn cool
(others are such fools!)

A lil' bit of bitching and backbiting
never hurt anyone, na?
so let da lies and rumours fly
... screw their promotions!
(screw with their emotions!)

U know all da tricks of da trade, eh?
U da master of da game, eh?

But,
I see right thru ur tapestry of lies n deceipt
And smile as u weave ur web to trap me again
Not this time ... sweet talker!
Not again ...

This time,
I'm gonna play da game my way
I'm gonna succeed this time
I've got help this time!

Do ur worst
I won't hit back
I don't need to
Your Boss is on my side!
U can only do as much damage
As He allows you to

And when my time comes
U can't stop da promotion
That's headed my way

No fear
Not in life
Not even in death
For what is death
But the gateway to real life?

----
Don't ask me what it means ... I started writing and this is the result ... I have no explanation 4 dis ... just rambled on as usual ... :)

Poem - Open ur eyes

Poem - Open ur eyes
- AnupR

From the cradle to the grave
Will you be a slave
For you aren't blind
And yet, choose not to see
For you aren't deaf
And yet, choose not to listen
For you aren't dumb
And yet, choose not to speak

Listen to reason
See the light
Be wise and humble
And at least try to embrace the truth

Accept ...
You are weak
You never were free
You probably never will be

If ...
You love your chains
You enjoy the pain
You enjoy the sympathy
You don't crave salvation

So ...
Go about your business
Keep building castles in the air
Never spare a thought for anyone else
Not even for the only one
... who really does care

... and never open your eyes ..... again

-------
yes ... the ramblings of a confused poet ... bear with me world ... too many questions ... very few answers ... I need some time

Poem - Remember what you are

Poem - Remember what you are ... AnupR

When the night is over
and there's light all around
Keep your head on your shoulders
and your feet on the ground
Don't let pride creep in
and lead you into sin
Just remember where you come from
Just remember what you are

You're just dust that breathes
and flies around for a while
but when the wind stops blowing
you will cease to smile

You're a flower that blooms
but for a day
and though you're beautiful
you will soon fade away

Its gonna be ashes to ashes
and dust to dust
So keep your head on your shoulders
and let love come first

----
This is a note to myself. I've observed that I have a major issue with pride. I don't wanna fall into that trap. Ever!!!! God have mercy!

Good Friday Spl - The poet's choice

Hiya All,

I'm really sorry for not answering your comments sooner ... but, I'm now on study leave (yes, the people at work agreed :)

... so although I do come online for a bit every night (when I'm completely tired of studying) ... I usually just check my mail (yes, ur comments do come to my inbox) ... and as much as I wanna answer right then and there, I had to wait ... :(

But, I do love getting those comments from ya all ... I miss ya all and can hardly wait to get back to active blogging ...

... till then, here's one for Good Friday ...

The Poet's Choice - AnupR
He wanders the wilderness
Searching for elusive peace n happiness
All them fancy toys do entertain
But what 'bout the emptiness?
What 'bout the pain?

Unable to sleep (as usual)
He kneels beside the bed
With hands stretched heavenward
He cries out in despair

"Is there anyone up there?
Do you even care?
I dunno what I'm doing anymore
I'm tired of this whole affair!"

He longs for an answer
But the silence remains
So he doesn't restrain the tears anymore
And slides into his chair

As he sits there, drink in hand
He thinks of the happy days long gone by
Carefree days in mother's arms
Listening to stories of the Promised Land
He struggles to remember the prayers
she prayed before the lights went out
... before she kissed him and said Good Night

Pondering these things ... ancient memories ... suddenly ...
He bows down ... gets on his knees
He realizes the significance of the tree
He was blind but now he sees

I am that person ... I am he
I've made my choice for eternity

---
this was partly autobiographical ... i needed to record this for posterity ... :)
(sorry if i bored ya ...)

Anyways, wishing the world and my dear buddies a Very Happy and Blessed Easter!!! (in advance) :)

Poem - Wishes

Poem - Wishes - AnupR

The love I have for you
Has got nothing to do
... with what you think 'bout me

I love you. That's it.
It's okay if you don't care one bit.

If you want me to leave
... I'll go away
If you want me around
... I'll gladly stay
It makes no difference to me

I'm gonna keep wishing what I've always wished for you
Keep praying the prayer that I've always prayed for you
And as surely as I see the sky, so blue
I'll keep hoping these wishes come true

May shining sucess always be your crown
May humilty and grace always be your gown
May your good deeds bring you renown
May your praises be sung all over town

May you have a long and blissful life
... free of any pain, sorrow or strife
and may your love, love you forever
... far above his own life

I wish I always see you smiling and dancing
... that I always hear you singing and rejoicing
and I wish I see
your face light up with glee
as your hopes and dreams become reality

And even as you slowly forget all about me
In some corner of the world will I be
... wishing these wishes become reality

----
letting go of someone you love ... but wishing the best for them always ... the best way to part ... me thinks ;)

Poem - I choose Life

I Choose Life - AnupR

At the crossroads she stands
She beckons
She even calls out my name
She then stretches out her hands
Offering refuge from the doubts and questions
... that plague young minds

And then she says,
"Pain is all that's left
Rejection is all you're ever gonna get
and you may try but you'll never forget
the way she left you bereft

I'm the cure to your misery
I'm the one who can set you free
Just entrust yourself to me
Just spend the night with me"

But I am just down ... not out
and I know what she's talking about
So I hurry right by where she's standing
I don't stop ... not even glancing
And as I pass she hears me saying

"The pain and the worry
Is just temporary
The future's uncertain
... sometimes it does frighten me
But, in your arms if I spend the night
I'd sleep forever
And that just wouldn't be right

Why do you forget
that I'm not only a heartbroken lover
I'm also a son, a friend, a brother
and I'm certainly not in any hurry
... to stand before the Creator

So, hear this, beautiful Ma'm
Listen to me ... and forget not this day
I see right thru your pretty sham
and I don't give a damn
... for what you have to say

I choose life!"

-----
Yes, yes, I know ... I should be studying ... not blogging ... but, all the studying seems to be getting my creative juices flowing too! ... I got this one last night as I lay down to sleep ... and I couldn't help but jot it down ... and what I jotted ... I shared .... :)

Thanks a lot for all your best wishes, dear buddies ... :)
I'm studing hard!

Poem - But its fine

Poem - But it's fine
by AnupR

I'm in love with a girl who can't be mine
I feel a lil' bit sad
But it's fine

For I don't want to cross the line
Can't risk this friendship going bad
I'm in love with a girl who can't be mine

Daily, for her my heart does pine
It drives me mad
But it's fine

For when she's around, it feels divine
And my weary soul becomes glad
I'm in love with a girl who can't be mine

When she talks, shivers run down my spine
Something so good can be so damn bad!
But it's fine

I won't grumble and I won't whine
It's real and not just a passing fad
I'm in love with a girl who can't be mine

For love is the finest wine
And as its biggest drunkard,
I'm in love with a girl who can't be mine
But it's fine

----
Firstly, thanks a lot CA for the notes u sent on Villanelle ... this was my first shot at something structured ... and thanks for the encouragement, buddy! :)

Secondly, I'd just like to mention that this is something written now, drawing on something I've gone thru in the recent past ... but this is not what I'm in right now ...

I'm no longer 'in love' with anybody ... sad, eh? ... not really .... coz' instead of being obsessed with being in love with that special one ... presently, I'm just having fun ... enjoying the love that's in friendship/family/and other cherished relationships ...

BTW, this is probably gonna be my last post until my exams are over in mid-May. I've got to hit the books ... especially, since my office work has taken over most of my time so far ... and time's running out ...

But, I will drop by occassionally to catch up on what u guys are up to ... and so that u guys don't forget me .... (so selfish, eh?) ... lolz ... :)

And wish u all a very Happy HOLIday ... sorry that I couldn't visit ur blogs individually and wish u ... but, was with the books so far ... and I'm gonna go back to them books as soon as I hit the "Publish Post" button ... :)

Ciao buddies!

Poem - Just to dream of you

Just to dream of you - Anup R

I sleep so I can dream of you
I wake up just for a glance of you
But I have to be satisfied with your look of disdain
… where have all the good times gone?

I drink, trying to forget you
I sober up just to talk to you
But I have to be satisfied with the ‘Hello’ you say …
... before you bang down the receiver
… where have all the heart 2 heart conversations gone?

I drive aimlessly …
… another futile attempt to get away
… from you and everything you mean to me
But no matter how much I try
I end up right where I began
… what’s become of all the great plans I had for my life?

So I have another drink …
And drive back home …
And fall into a restless sleep …
... so I can dream again …

-----
This is one of my old (month-old) poems ... posted this today, just coz' Keshi requested a post ... and I can't refuse someone so beautiful and charming and lovely ..... ;) ... lolz ...

Seriously speaking, I added that footnote just so that a few of my buddies such as Elaine don't fret and fume and give me a OTS (one tight slap) for not getting over my ex-flame ... :)

... I have moved on guys! ... but, I still have a bunch of unpublished poems from the messed up relationship ... so, you'll get them gradually, everytime I've got nothing better to post .. ;) lolz ...

Poem - Life's a Bitch!

Life's a Bitch - Anup R

Life's a bitch
Just one big sales pitch

Perceived abilities gets one hired
But very soon, one gets tired
Of living up to great expectations
& handling the daily trials and frustrations

Delivering one's best gets one no fame no acclaim
Coz' it was only expected
And anything remotely 'average' is not accepted
they say - Surely compalcency is to blame!

Can't they see
what life's become for me?
overexpectations
sucking the life outta me?

Cynicism raises its ugly head everyday
Doesn't listen to reason or anything that I say
It wants me to break free
It wants me to run away

But I'm down with it
I know this too will pass
I'm the one who raised the bar
I'm the one aiming to be a star
No success without some sorrow
or without sweat at the brow
So I'm gonna press on for some more time
I know I'll soon find my rhyme

I love my Life!
Though Life's a Bitch!
One looong sales pitch!

Disclaimer: No offense intended to dog lovers. I love dogs too :)
----
Read my next post if u wanna know what was in my head when i wrote this one ... :)

Poem - Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day - Anup R

Lying here staring at the ceiling
Trying to make sense of what I’m feeling
I thought I’d accepted that it’s all over
I thought I’d moved on
But, now I’m not too sure

Coz, it’s Valentine’s Day
And to my utter dismay
Fond memories flood my senses
And drive me to my knees

The frustration gets to my head
Something’s gotta give!
I just wanna live!
Your face no longer do I wanna see!
I just wanna be free!
So, I crazily pound the bed
Till the fists ache
Till the heart feels its gonna break
Till I’m knocked senseless ….

And as I’m drifting into oblivion
I ask myself the obvious question …

Why am I …
Still madly in love?
Still missing you?
Still paying for my crime?
Still a poet searching for his rhyme?

Poem - Time to move on

Time to Move On - Anup R

It's time to put things in order
It's time to put people in their place
It's time for a new beginning
It's time to move on

Eyes - "don't cast a look a around
lest fond memories weaken my resolve"

Ears - "hear, but don't listen to goodbyes
lest tears flood my eyes"

Tongue - "don't say a word today
lest my voice betray the sorrow within"

Heart - "look only to the future that beckons
lest I'm swayed by the love I've known so far"

Its time to confront what I've known all along
Down here, nothing lasts forever

Not friendship ...
... Not even love

Dreams are pleasant ...
... but one can't live in a fantasy forever

So I'll heed the call of life,
Pack up my stuff...
.... and move on ....


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This is the first time that I've not paid any attention to rhyme ... thanks for the inspiration ... C Addict! .... :)